Rooted In the Word

For those of you keen in reading the New Testament in a year, this site may provide a little inspiration and guidance. (:

sofagang.wordpress.com

comments are welcome, please give me a hand as well (:

Remember, it’s important to know the Word of God well, it’ll keep you afloat in the years to come!

inhibited

what do i know about love?
it no longer spills forth with excitement
or with accidental spontaneity;
it no longer blurts out carelessly
or flairs up with extravagance

but it feels locked up
chained – the words no longer come out easily -
mechanical – so contrived -
ought it not be natural?

where, o where is that love
that once gushed out like
refreshing springs do from a parched land?
it is buried deep
trying to climb upward
to a place where it can roam free

sometimes, this heart seems like a stranger
far cry from what it was;
but i know, somewhere, beneath the callouses
it still cries out, it still breathes
it still wants to live

spring will come in a month
hopefully spring will also come within.

…

if one does everything, but does not love
what use is there in that?

spiritual drought

quiet times have become periods of agonizing silence.

there’s nothing but emptiness. even when one tries to meditate on a passage of scripture.

no new revelations; no renewed joy/assurance from the old reminders.

i really wonder why

and that’s when i really want to shut myself away

because until i’m filled, i don’t really feel ready to face the world

to talk to anyone

i suppose it’s not the right thing to do

but one really feels that way sometimes

—

grace has called my name

such a beautiful song:

Peace as elusive as a shadow dancing on the wall
life swallowed by the pain of yesterday;
Left broken by the shame of things that I had done,
No freedom from the choices that I’d made;

But with one touch You made me clean;
You met me in my deepest need.

Grace has called my name,
when all that I had left were just filthy stains;
Grace has called my name;
when hope had all but faded far away,
Grace called my name.

Wounded by words that left their mark upon my soul,
dreams overturned by empty promises;
Well intentioned things I’d heard a million times before
just left my heart to grieve alone again;

But with one touch You set me free;
You met me in my deepest need.

—

so many of us can identify with the words of this song.

it’s like. you’ve messed up

and you don’t know where to go anymore;
you really want to get back to God;
but your prayers seem so empty
and you’re not quite sure which way’s back anymore

you’re heartbroken
you know how you ought to feel
but it just isn’t there. and you don’t want to be hurt again
by yet another broken promise

and in the midst of all that. grace calls us.

sometimes to me though, that voice is so so faint.

broken, again.

watching you, reminds me of myself so many seasons ago.
sometimes, the heart grows conceited, and thinks that it has seen every fallen leaf, every winter storm, every tree stripped bare.
but it hasn’t. and there’s no need to boast
save in what one hasn’t seen; save in what one cannot do;
save in You.

i’m not sure what to say
don’t want to lead you the wrong way.
the path i had taken, was paved with fragments of  regret
not that it wasn’t purposeful
i wouldn’t turn back
but i wouldn’t recommend it either

no one’s great. no one’s ever seen more than anybody else
everyone has treaded their fair share of broken roads
so what’s to boast

take care in your journey
it was ever so exhilarating , breathtaking
and the taste of it still lingers on till this day.

—

i’ve been terribly humbled, to realize that i’ve still so much to learn when it comes to loving people. My heart is so full of self-centeredness, my ways are so selfish and wayward. I’m a failure when it comes to remembering the needs of others and fulfilling my promises to them. Problem with melancholics like myself is, we can’t accept failures, and we beat them up – especially if we’re the failure.

Lift me up Lord. Take my weaknesses, and make something beautiful out of them. Quieten this weary heart, quieten this heart that has condemned itself, and give it hope. I want to shine for You, to love for You, teach me, and change my heart.

it’s going to be a long six months.

relationship

i’ll disappear in a moment
like the grass that so quickly withers
but you last forever
enduring beyond the firmest mountain
- how is this going to work out?

you know my inmost depths
i’ve never even seen your face
you perceive my thoughts and feelings
while i’m so often unsure of yours
- are we not incompatible?

i’m smeared and tainted,
so unfaithful, always letting you down
always running backwards to the life i once lived
but you’re always waiting
always willing to take me back
- is this not going to be a one-way thing?

our values are so different
i’m low on compassion,
forgetting people so easily
but you hear every cry of every forlorn heart
and you’re able to meet every need
- we’re probably going to disagree a lot..

we’re so different
poles apart
honestly,
maybe this wasn’t meant to be
(but u chose me, isn’t it?)

how how how am i supposed to love you
how how how do i know we’re growing closer
how

the little things

It’s the little things that matter to him.

To begin with, there is nothing we could do that could ever earn his approval. No amount of sacrifice, no amount of diligence, could ever earn his love. Somehow, I fell into a great deception, that I was to do something eternally significant every day – otherwise, God would be displeased with my life. Everyday I would desperately create chances to make a difference, taking the initiative to make a phone call, or to meet someone and encourage him. Only after I had accomplished such a feat, would I feel satisfied with the day that had passed.

Gradually though, the days started to feel unfulfilling. Many times, my attempt to start a conversation would not progress to the point of spiritual matters; my attempts to meet people would end in (what i thought was) fruitlessness. I began to, subconsciously, compartmentalize life into ‘more spiritual’ or ‘less spiritual’ activities. For instance, talking to someone about his Christian walk would be ‘more spiritual’, while talking to someone about LAN and Left4Dead2 would be ‘less spiritual’. I didn’t see it coming, but a great burden had slowly accumulated upon my back.

I struggled to see the significance in the seemingly ‘unspiritual’. Day to day activities, my studies, playing the piano (enjoying the music), playing the computer with my brother – I couldn’t see how some of these were worthwhile. My studies, for instance, were something I knew I had to do in order to produce a good testimony. But long hours of studying often left me feeling spiritually impoverished.

—

I’m still searching for the answer. I know that it’s right to be diligent for the kingdom of God, it’s good to desire to glorify Him through the sharing of His word with other people. But what happens on days when such opportunities do not materialize? Do those days become wasted days?

By no means! Somehow, there is significance behind every day. Someone told me, perhaps the purpose of today is just preparation for tomorrow. Or maybe I’m just missing out on the invisible work of God – I can’t see it because i’m too fixated on my need to do something ‘fulfilling’.

I knew I couldn’t keep living under this framework of rules I had set for myself. It was as if I had to do something in order to be approved by God. I had to share the gospel every day in order to be loved by God. I don’t think God’s that sort of God. His love is unconditional, and is poured out by His grace, and not by our works.

I cried on a friend’s shoulder. because a great emotion suddenly overwhelmed me. I felt so sad, so tired of waiting for God’s voice of approval, which I had been trying to earn. I had thought that if there was no fruit, there was no approval, no joy. I think God had been there all the time, but somehow I had missed Him. I had missed the point of ministry, it wasn’t to earn His love or approval. The point of ministry is to know His love, and share that with others.

The little things matter. Five loaves and two fishes. Just make use of me Lord.

I still struggle though, to make each day count.

monotony

what do you do on those days…
when His hand doesn’t seem to be present…
in any particularly spectacular way?

what do you do on those days…
when life just passes you by so quickly
you enjoy yourself for the moment
but collapse on your bed feeling as if…
nothing eternally significant took place?

what do you do on those days…
when you don’t seem to have done anything for His sake
except live, and enjoy the world He has created (is that enough?)
but haven’t actually blessed anyone explicitly…or loved explicitly…
or shared the word explicitly?

sigh (let me join the chorus of sighs)

teach us to number our days aright
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

i miss my mua chee and waffles

The feeling’s still rather surreal, sitting in my bedroom, blogging on wordpress. It feels like a dream to be back in Singapore – just 28 hours ago, we set off from a tiny hotel in London, flew to Doha, spent 6 hours in transit, and flew again. After the preceding events of the past two months, everything now seems so unreal – the Chinese television soap opera on the TV outside, the blinding sunlight in your eyes, the parquet floor, the embrace of family…

—

it’s been a long time since i’ve typed. I thought maybe it’s worth reflecting on the days that have passed, to see what has been learned, to see what experiences have surfaced…

—

I think the first major lesson i learned was that of trusting in God’s truth rather than one own’s feelings. How we feel about ourselves doesn’t alter the facts of life. One might feel unforgiven, but needs to simply trust in the words of 1 John 1:9 to be assured of God’s mercy. One might feel forsaken, but needs to simply trust in the comforting words of Jesus: “And surely I am with you always…”. Oh how often have I been swayed by my own emotions, or by the perception of others, instead of placing complete trust in God’s Word.

Of course, with this lesson comes the that of trusting in the accuracy and veracity of God’s Word. My faith in the Bible’s authority have been challenged several times in the past two months. I wouldn’t say that I’m completely without doubt. But it comes a point where you have to take either side, and I chose to believe that God could work through the imperfect authorship of men. God, in His power, will ensure that His Word is preserved. Of course, there are other important things, such as tradition, or the church’s stand/doctrine. But I choose to cling onto God’s word first and foremost, trusting the Spirit guide in interpretation.

—

I have been reminded (possibly chided) not to be ashamed of the gospel. Somewhere in the fifth week of term I was overcome by a great sense of disappointment in God – because He seemed unable to provide all the answers to the questions people were posing to me. His gospel seemed insufficient to meet their queries, the plain truth seemed to drive others further and further from salvation. I almost stopped sharing the gospel completely. But thankfully, there was that reminder, there was that assurance that the gospel was worth sharing, it is powerful, it is producing fruit, it is the gospel that we all hope in!

And so with a fair amount boldness i did share the gospel. I shirked sometimes (most of time i guess), but those few times where boldness prevailed, there was much fruit to rejoice in.

—

God makes everything beautiful in His time. Prayer and patience are of utmost importance.

in the past two months, i’ve received closer and closer resolutions with regards to two important friendships/relationships. and that’s something that has really brought a smile of gratitude to my face, because it’s been such a long long time.

—

thank you Lord. help me use these holidays to magnify you.

what do you think about evangelism

It was one of the important commands of Jesus to ‘make disciples of all men’ and to spread the Word of the Gospel to the ends of the earth. As a believer, one should not be ashamed of the Gospel, but should boldly proclaim it to others.

As I spoke to my Catholic roommate today, it was a little tense. I’ve recently ran into some tense conversations with him regarding issues of Christianity – such as the need for evangelism. While he believes that we ought to share the Gospel, he also feels put off by who he calls ‘aggressive evangelicals’.

When one tries to share the Gospel with another, a common response is (whether implicit or explicit):
“Do you think that what you believe is better than what I believe? What makes you think you have the right to tell me that?”
“You’re just being arrogant”

I was thinking about this for some time today. The thing is, Christians share the Gospel because of the compulsion to share Christ’s love. To us, the greatest form of love is to share the source of eternal satisfaction with others – even if it means touching a raw nerve. But then, as I thought more about it, no matter how you twist it – you are still saying that you know better.

Now is there pride in that? Well maybe there is the sort of pride that comes from knowing something is true. But I doubt that the pride is derogatory in nature.

But think about it. I guess pride goes both ways as well. People who feel turned off by the Gospel message disbelief it because they think they know better.

Is it possible to sit on the fence? One could say: “no one is actually better, i have my beliefs, and you have yours. let’s respect that.”

Oh i’m not really sure. it’s a little puzzling really.

—

i guess it’s just a balance.

there are times you need to share God’s love implicitly, through your lifestyle

but there are others that you just need to make the truth clear.

 

re:re:piano

in spite of what you may think,
i know how it feels
trampling over broken

pieces.

having looked at both sides now
one side, pain.
the other side, guilt
in the end, the same
it’s still pain.

why must you prolong the hurt for yourself?
let go, be free.
there’s a God who still cares for thee.
the years weren’t wasted.

—

two years on, i’ll let you know
that flowers will once again grow
sure it will never be the same
but there’s beauty in forgiven pain.

it may still feel like you’re the only one trying
but it’ll be better than it was.

—

everything thing will be ok in the end.