if God’s in control of everything, it must follow that he’s the one who allows for sorrow to break into the silent recesses of our hearts. He is the one who grieves, who brings us to our knees, who tests us till we cry. Sometimes it all seems a little sadistic, a little egoistic – that God would test our love for Him through times that break our heart.
when i look back, it was when i was the most broken that God’s love became more apparent, more tangible. It was when I had lost someone/something dear that i realised God was the everlasting treasure I still possessed. It was when I had lost many i loved, that i cried to Him, with tear-strewn eyes – “oh God, please don’t let me lose you too…” And maybe that’s why nowadays when someone’s in pain, that i can trust God to restore him/her in His time, and bring him/her closer to Him while He’s at it.
31For men are not cast off by the Lord for ever.
32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.
everyone likes to think of themselves as the person who’s nice to everyone, who only brings joy to others but not hurt. i’m included in that category. but i’ve come to admit and accept the fact that i have often broke hearts, and caused pain to others as well – for the sake of being sincere and obedient to Him.
well i felt God was telling me to let go of a relationship, i questioned why, but obeyed anyway. what happened? i actually went on with the belief for quite some time that He would make it right in about 2 months. but then i was caught off guard, and that belief gave way to a flurry of tears – tears of betrayal and loss. i couldn’t understand why obeying Him would have resulted in such a crappy situation – it seemed to be getting worse. she and i was hurt – i was more concerned about her – and nothing was getting better.
eventually though, i realised, that even up to now i look back on that experience and see God’s hand working through it – bring me closer to Him, being my Comforter, teaching me to forgive.
right now, i’ve got myself into a similar situation. i’ve become the harbinger of sorrow again – God’s tool of bringing grief. i guess there’s times for both – sometimes you’re the comforter, sometimes you’re the grief bringer. when you’re the grief bringer, you feel terrible about yourself, but then again, i guess it’s part of God’s plan…
i just pray now that you’ll bring him/her closer to you
as you did for me before.
Someone — I think it was Madeline L’Engle — once said that when Jesus promised us life, he didn’t just promise us that we’d always get just the happy, joyful emotions. To experience true life, surely one must be able to feel the full spectrum of emotions, not just the positive ones.
Being the bearer of dark tidings, though, is never easy. It is like being an angel of death coming to collect the souls of those who have passed on. You know everyone else will be sorrowful and filled with grief after this. But you must still do your “job”.
Pain for strength, I suppose. Pain for strength. The strength of the Lord, that is.