I’m surprised that few people have shared their feelings on this matter. I find it such a difficult struggle for myself; surely many Christians feel the same way? Christian love is, on one level, so easy to understand. But on another level, it is layered, complex, and puzzling to both the lover and the loved.
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Christian-Christian friendships
A friendship between Christians is relatively simple. Both persons know that the origin of their love is God. Both persons know that the ultimate aim of their friendship is to see God glorified. Neither person wants to become an idol for the other. Both acknowledge that their love is only a reflection of a greater Love. There is genuine enjoyment of each other’s company, and they need not always be talking about God. But what will be foremost in their minds is the spiritual well-being of the other party – for spiritual health is eternally significant, while worldly happiness is passing.
When I am loved by a Christian friend, I give thanks to God – for He has showered His love upon me through my dear friend. I understand that my friend loves me, but that he also loves God more than me. In that sense, God is more important to my friend than I am. My friend’s love for me is also an expression of his love for God, but that does not diminish the authenticity of his love for me – in fact, because it originates from God’s love, it is all the more greater.
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Christian and NonChristian Friendships
Here’s where it gets sticky. And I think the stickiness stems out from the difference in Christian and non-Christian mentality toward love.
For non-Christians (especially those who don’t believe in God), we love another person for who they are. We love the person because we enjoy the time we spend with that person, because they bring us joy. And we long to do the same in return. We want to let them know that they are important to us.
For Christians, we love people also because we enjoy their company. However, above all, we also hope to point them to the all-surpassing love of Jesus Christ. They are important to us, but not as important as Christ.
What results is that sometimes we Christians tend to make projects out of our friends. It is tragic. We start to love them for the sake of bringing them to Christian group, or so that we can get close enough to them to talk to them about Christ. Non-Christians are not blind/oblivious, they know when we have ‘hidden motives’ behind our loving actions.
This may be a controversial point – but I think that our natural inclination is to want to feel important to another person. We like it when someone considers us important enough to give time/energy/love to us. For Christians however, we try our best to make Christ the most important in our relationships. We constantly pray that to feel important will not be the aim of the relationship.
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I’m guilty of sometimes treating people as projects.
Once the objective of leading them to CG/CF or telling the gospel has been achieved, I cut down on the time spent with them. Perhaps it stems from a desire that Christ would become more important to them than myself (i’m dispensable but Christ isn’t). But I realize that it sends across a horrible message. It tells the person that the only reason for the friendship was to share God’s love with them. It tells the person that they were not as important to me as was the objective of spreading the gospel.
I think great humility is required to receive Christian love, because Christian love says: ‘Christ is more important than you‘. But I think it’s important to remember that ‘Christ is more important than you’ does not mean ‘you are not important at all’. Perhaps non-Christians need to learn this humility. Perhaps Christians need to be clearer in how they express their love, so that they do not make the mistake of treating their friends as projects.
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I realize that i’m still very muddled over this matter. I just really pray and hope that i’ll be able to love people authentically, and share my life with them – only through that can Christ be truly glorified.
Christ loves us deeply. That deep love brings him glory, but that does not diminish the authenticity of his love. But it takes great humility to accept that we don’t deserve His love at all.
