stormy weather friend

if u’re feeling alright,
persevering in the faith,
pushing on with joy
why do i speak and talk
and insist that somehow there must be something broken?

it’s pride that gets in the way
wanting to be the one who lifts your moods
wanting to be the one who comforts and prays

but where there’s perseverance
teach me Lord to rejoice!
though you receive glory when i comfort another
the glory is Yours – all the more –
when u do it without me
i must decrease
and You must increase

teach me joy for your work in others
joy for your work through others

teach me to look out with the same eagerness
for lives that display signs of your grace
rather than only look out
for lives that are broken

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looking behind, looking ahead

In university, it’s impossible to remember every detail of your course material (it might be possible if you run on no sleep/have 48 hour days/are not human). So I find that prompt/cue words help a great deal. A simple cue word may very well trigger off a cascade of thoughts, facilitating recall (evidence of my time studying ‘learning and memory’ for the experimental psychology course, haha). Looking at my 2010 diary entries, many entries are speckled with cue words that are supposed to trigger off vivid memories of important past episodes. I guess it’s impossible to really sum up the lessons and events of 2010, so hopefully the following broken sentences and incomplete thoughts will help remind me of those things…

—

looking behind –

If friendship were a landscape…perhaps, a meadow
Some flowers would have withered
Some flowers would have grown larger and brighter
Suffice to say, the meadow looks different now
And as they would all say – it’s part of life
Most importantly, You must still be at the center.

you always go back to making the same mistakes, and end up breaking more hearts, letting more people down. a dear friend once told me i should stop picking up so many people, because eventually i leave them behind – crushed and in disrepair. another dear friend told me that it’s ok to not be there for everyone.

thankful Lord, that in spite of my mistakes, you are still in control
thankful Lord for a special friendship forged
thankful Lord that you continue to care for those who i have let down, and can’t be there for;

—

looking behind –

Great joys of new brothers and sisters in Christ
Vic/Calvin/Yuheng/Yiyang
You guys always bring a smile of gratitude, a laugh of thanks to my life
Thank you Lord (: please continue to nurture and grow them in your own ways

Greater love for the church
Greater love for those who labor together for the kingdom
The list could go on forever, so I will not list…but there are many many many (:

Greater realization of the brokenness in people’s families
Parents’ separations/heartbreak…
I need to have greater compassion

Greater knowledge and dependence on your grace
Leaving behind the life of legalism
Praying for a heart that will be broken my my sin
But that will fully know your forgiveness

—

Precious lessons about God:

1) The Gospel is central to our faith (1 Cor 15:1-2); keep reminding each other of the gospel! It’s all about Jesus (:

2) The Gospel will be foolishness to the world (1 Cor 1:18-25); but it is God’s job to frustrate the world’s intelligence, so keep preaching.

3) Fellowship with believers is really important. God delights in seeing members of his church support and uphold each other. It’s ok to depend on people as long as you acknowledge God as the source!

4) Suffering is an important part of the Christian walk. Do not be surprised by it. Rejoice in it.

5) Disappointment is the biggest challenge for me, especially with my many expectations; remind me that I should not be disappointed, having received your Holy Spirit as an assurance (Romans 5)

6) God’s grace is always greater than your failure. Do not remain in self-condemnation (Rom 8:1)

—

looking ahead – the same struggles. some new ones.

I will still try to be there for more people than I can be there for – perhaps it is pride that motivates me, and that needs humbling from your Spirit, dear Lord.

I will struggle with the same doubts about you. More faith Lord!

I will still struggle in working together with you to love her. I will still struggle with the times you minister to her in a way that I can never. I will still struggle with this envy. Help me dear Lord, more grace.

I will still struggle in loving people, in loving her, and in loving your church. It is tiring business. Help me.

We will struggle from being apart.

I will still struggle with fallen expectations, with disappointment.

I will still struggle with the same temptations.

—

looking ahead – the same assurances

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever (Heb 13:8)

And I am convinced that neither height nor depth…can every separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus (Rom 8:38)

And sure I am with you always, to the end of the age (Matt 28:20)

—

hello 2011 (:

 

 

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